What do you think of my new poem. i wrote it from an experience of mine at a pagan may festival.?

Magic and Rhythm





The magic was in the air that night.


She could smell it as she entered the circle where the people gathered.


She were preparing for the main ritual of the festival.


She removed her shoes and felt the cool spring grass beneath her shoes,


She closed her eyes and felt the slight breeze.


The horn was blown to call forth the rest.


A few moments later, the opening came.


The ritual was long, though it seemed to last only a moment.


She took it all in.


She thanked the god and goddess for that night.


When they returned,


they all lit the fire with their candles.


The drumming began soon.


She felt the rhythm in her heart.


Her body began to move.


She recalled the happenings of the night as she began to dance around the brilliant fire.


Her heart was racing as she went into a trance.


She danced nonstop for hours.


Several were dancing with her.


She danced until the first light of morning came,


with the magic, and the rhythm leading her onward.

What do you think of my new poem. i wrote it from an experience of mine at a pagan may festival.?
Pretty good but you used %26quot;she%26quot; too many times.
Reply:I think your new poem would be enthralling if you%26#039;d written it as exposition in a short story.





Perhaps you can use these notes later, because they definitely capture a moment and many feelings as well as a rhythm.





Your words transported me there.
Reply:It is the most beautful thing I have ever read and I wish so much you would write a poem about my child Tracy who brings me as much joy as your poem did and post it on here for me to see.
Reply:it was good.. it was visual.. but you did use the wors she alot.. maybe you can somehow find a way to modify it a bit..


read this alould to yourself a few times and things that sound a bit out of place... fix em..
Reply:I like it ... does she have a phone number?
Reply:I like it, the picture you describe is vivid and alive. As writer myself it is my honest opinion about another really good writer/poet.





Blessed Be.



koffice