Does this excerpt of part of my story sound okay?

One of the boys turned his head. How did he hear me? His violet eyes scanned the darkness. I didn't breathe, nor move. The boy was ... strange. His stare seemed much older then the body he was in. He looked my age, but wiser. He started to move.


“...How stupid can someone be. Seriously—” The red-head stopped taunted Jenna and glanced at the violet-eyed boy. “...Gabe, what...?”


“Ssh....” The violet-eyed boy whispered. Moving closer and closer to my hiding spot. His movements were almost ... catlike.


Five feet away. Four feet. Three feet. Two feet. One ...


“What are you doing?” asked the third boy. “Gabe!”


“Gabe” looked back—I made my move. I slide farther behind the wall, behind an abandoned market stall. When Gab silenced his friend and turned back I was out of sight. He swore. Good day, for a little boy he new some “interesting” words. Then he walked back to the other three. I let out a deep breath, getting up, and slowly turned my head to peek back around the wall....


“I little spy, are we?” He was right there. Staring at me.


I jumped back. I don't know why, but he scared me. His icy stare matched the frozen dew drops on the dead grass of a tundra. It made you want to run far. Far away. Into that tundra. Never coming back Never looking back. Never thinking of his stare. Never, never, never....


“Excusez-moi?” I asked innocently.


“Are you a espion?” he said, following my French, calling me a 'spy'. Except for the fact his was a lot less poorly pronounced. “Hello? Are you deft? Are are you really French?”


Putting on my courage I looked him in the eye. “Leave my sister alone!”


“Your sister?” The redhead appeared behind Gabe. “Are you as stupid?”


“My sister isn't stupid. She's—” I stopped. She couldn't read, write, or think right. People might think of Jenna as “stupid”, but she wasn't! Not in my eyes at least.


“...a daftie,” redhead finished.


I grunted. Jenna was against the wall—eyes wide. I had to settle this. Fast. Before my mother noticed Jenna and me were missing. So I lifted my leg—with heeled shoes—and kicked the redhead. Right in the....


“OW!” He fell, his face scrunched up.


Aye, I kicked him hard.


But he got up. I almost thought of kicking him again, but he ran for it. The third boy stood there eyes wide. I glared at him. He let out an 'eep' and ran after redhead. Now, one left. I turned toward Gabe. He just stood there, the glare thing not working on him. So I readied myself, and raced forward him, my fist back ready to punch.


I heard Jenna gasp. Then right before my eyes ... he vanished.

Does this excerpt of part of my story sound okay?
Yes, it sounds good.





Very creative. Keep it up I think you have something here.





Happy writting
Reply:I was immediately struck by how a writer should not misspell, or use the wrong word in a sentence, (then instead of than), and the French don't say "excusez", that's part English. Ruins the whole thing.



nanny job